Bundle of Crap
by MissVonTussle
Summary: A silly little FanFic; Corny and Velma's night of passion results in a little surprise. R&R please! :


_Velma and Corny landed onto Velma's bed, starting their passion of love making. Velma pushed Corny slightly away from her,"Wait Corny, we can't do it like this.." "Oh! I'll get my mix records!" Velma pulled him back,"No, I mean... without.." "Orange juice? A pillow? Hairspray? Gum?" She playfully slapped him on his arm,"No! I mean... protection." "Protection? They have warranties for sex now?" "No, stupid. I mean, a..." She pulled him to her body, whispering in his ear,"condom." "Oh, come on Velma. Your stuff in your body is probably worn out from having Amber! Brenda told me they don't even work. It's like 7 percent effective. Why wear one, right?" She looked into his eyes cautiously,"Yeah, but it also doesn't mean we shouldn't.." He started kissing her neck,"Trust me. It's all good."_

They met up at the enterance of the WYZT station. Velma showed up wearing a pale blue mini dress, while Corny on the other hand wore another regular suit. She poked him in his chest,"You know the daily routine. I go in first, you come in 8 minutes later. I call you a pointless, spinless creature, and you call me an obnoxious, selfish bitch. We don't talk to each other until commercial break where we rendevouz in your dressing room." He grinned,"Yes ma'am." Velma couldn't have her relationship with Corny impact her rep around the station. And to have it affect Amber as well - she will not let the Von Tussles suffer because of Corny.

Velma walked inside, she and Amber shared a kiss as they walked past each other. She settled herself in her office, working through piles of paperwork she recieves everyday.

Corny stared at his watch,"It's been 8 minutes." Maybelle greeted him,"Well hello there Corny!" He threw her a grin,"Hey there Maybelle!" "I've noticed that you've been hanging around Velma Von Tussle a lot. Anything I should know about?" He started to walk towards the doors,"Nothing is going on! I hate that whore!" He laughed,"See you later!" He turned back, the door slammed into his face. Brad pulled it back,"Oh Corny, man. Dude I'm sorry. My mistake. C'mon get ready." Corny nodded, covering her nose with his hand.

The council kids began to gather at the dance floor, preparing for the show. Velma grabbed her clipboard, and headed to her podium. Corny took a hairspray can, spraying the surface of his hair. He threw the can to Velma,"Showtime." He smiled.

"We're on in 5.. 4.. 3.. 2.."

"Good morning teenage Baltimore!" Corny started off with his normal greeting, also following along with a grin and a wink,"We're gonna have a great show today, folks! So you better start to shake and shimmy!"

Mr.Spritzer came along Velma, as she walked back to her office to put away he things, before meeting up with Corny,"Velma, have you finished the report yet? I need it by my desk today!" Velma nodded,"Yes Sir. I am almost done with it. It's going to be.." She covered her mouth, suddenly having an urge to throw up. She quickly ran to the bathroom, crashing into the stall, throwing up.

"...And stay tuned after a commercial break from our sponsors, Ultra Clutch!!" Corny dashed to his dressing room, hopefully to have Velma waiting for him. He swung open the doors, and she was nowhere to be found. She should've been lying on top of his makeup table of making moaning sounds from behind the clothes rack. He walked through the hallways, then heard her voice aching in agony from the bathroom stalls.

"Velma?..." He peeked through the door. Luanne and Tammy were giggling a pointing at Corny. He looked up and saw the bathroom sign that read,"female." He backed up,"Velma? There isn't any other man in there, right??" She slipped outside,"Oh my God.." She had her hand over her forehead,"Ugghhh." "What's wrong?" "I'm not feeling real good. I'm going home." "Hey wait - maybe you ate something this morning! It was probably expired or something. C'mon!" He took her hand, pulling her to his dressing room. She didn't budge,"I don't eat in the morning." "You're probably dizzy. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day. And... it looks like you need a daily dose of _Vitamin C." _He grinned. "Very funny. But I'm heading home. I can't work like this." "I can't work like this either! Velmaaaaa! Oh come on! The man in pants is happy!!" He kicked the wall.

Velma drove home early, then collapsed into bed. She has never felt so sick before. She hasn't felt this sick since she was pregnant with Amber.

Days later, Corny went to Velma's house, to see if she was feeling better. She called in sick for three days already. He pulled out his copy of her house key, then opening the door,"Hello? Velma? It's Corny.." He scoped the living room,"Are you still alive?" The bathroom door swung open across the hall.

"Hey, I missed you at the station." He looked inside,"Are you gonna take a shower? Cause I need one too.." Velma pointed down at a pencil shaped object that sat on the toilet seat. "What is it? Do you need me to squish it?" She held out her hand,"No stop." He picked it up,"Looks like something you use to pick the excess food out of your teeth." She snatched it away from him,"Corny..it's a pregnancy test." "To think Amber would do this." He slowly shook his head,"Where did you go wrong?" Corny chuckled, playing around. She stared at the pink plus that appeared,"Oh my God.." "What? Is Amber knocked up?" "No you idiot, this is mine! I'm pregnant!" Corny backed up against the door,"Ohhh hell no. Maybe you weren't using it right. Maybe you use it like the thermometer and insert under your tounge!!" She read the back side of the box,"It said to urinate onto the space provided." Corny seemed disgusted,"You _pee _on that thing??" Velma angrily slapped him on his arm,"I have no time for your nonsense! What am I gonna do?!" She rushed upstairs to her bedroom.

Velma sunk into her bed,_"It's like 7 percent effective! Why wear one?!" _She quoted from that night,"You barbarian! Look what you did to me! Now I'm gonna bloat up... I won't be able to fit into any of my clothes and I'll be eating all the time!!" Corny sat next to her, patting her stomach,"But at least you'll be throwing it back up anyways, right?" Corny grinned, hoping to cheer her up.

It's been a week since Velma found out the horrific news. She has been stressd out, causing her to come in late, and falling back in her work. Mr.Spritzer then confronted Velma about her poor performance,"Velma!" He called out, from her office. Velma rushed inside,"Sir?" "Where is that report I needed a week ago?" She shuffled through the piles of papers that covered her desk,"It's somewhere.." She finally reached the bottom of the pile, where it was,"Here.." She examined her work - and she hasn't done anything to it. He pulled it away from her grip,"Where is the rest of it, Velma? This isn't something you would usually hand in." She sat on the edge of her desk,"I'm just under a lot of stress right now Sir." "Well you better get over that stress and get back to your work. You're falling apart Velma, and I'd hate to say this, but your job is on the line!"

"Hey there sunshine!" Corny bursted in. Velma folded her arms across her chest,"What the hell do you want?" "I see you're not such a happy camper." "Leave my office or I will be forced to have you removed." "Oh come on Velma. It won't be that bad. You'll have another little kid. And you can raise it to be like me." She scoffed,"Right. Like you. Now please, Mr.Collins, I'd like you to leave. You have ruined my life! You're an irritant!" She pointed toward the door. Corny held out his hand,"Let me help you Velma!" "No! I have had enough of you! Nothing you could say or do could ever make this better!" "You need to stop thinking of yourself! You are sooooo self centered! You are so rude!" He stormed out of the office, Velma following him behind.

"Hey it's not easy being me! You need to take responsibility! Everything is such a joy ride to you!" Velma yelled out loud, yanking his arm to get his attention,"Listen to me!" He spun around, pulling away,"I'm trying to be responsible! You just won't let me be that way cause you're being too independent!" Corny furiously snapped back.

"I am not independent! You're just being a stubborn jackass!"

"I am not a donkey!! You... you dog!"

"You're the one who couldn't keep his hands away!"

"Donkeys DON'T HAVE HANDS!!"

People started gathering around the two, whispering,"Yeah they do this stuff everyday." Girls starting giggling,"He is such a fluke." The guys started laughing,"No wonder no one likes her."

Velma and Corny stared at each other, hoping one of them would find a way out of this. Velma walked to the side where Sketch stood, holding his smoothie. Velma grabbed the smoothie, then poured it upon Corny's head,"Jerk!" She walked past him, leaving a trail of speechless people. He sighed, as the smoothie running down his head,"Strawberry.."

The day seemed to take forever to end. Velma came home, lying on her couch. Corny started banging on her door,"Velma! Velma! Let me in! WE NEED TALK!!" Velma opened the door, glaring straight at him,"What are you doing here? I have a lot of stuff to pour on your head in my fridge Corny." He barged inside,"We need to discuss about what happened." "Fine. You were a jerk and I poured smoothie all over your head. End of story, get out." "I would've talked to you earlier at the station but I had to get the stains out of my jacket and wash my sticky hair." She shook her head,"You are so stupid. Now get out." "That's another problem with you. You're always putting people down! You never listen to reason, you're so crabby and bitter all the time!"

"So you're here to bitch about me?!" Velma started fighting back.

"Well you should know why you are one!"

"You're not so pleasant either! You always brag about your self! And you walk around like you're oh so debonair! YOU'RE NOT!"

"You are so mean!! You never compliment the nice things I do for you!"

"OH! Well thank you for knocking me up!"

"YOU'RE NOT WELCOME!!"

"You are so _annoying! _I can't believe I _slept_ with you!"

"I can't believe I slept with you!"

"Not to mention, your lack of skill in the bedroom!"

"My lack of skill?! Yours aren't so swell either! I'd rather go to the movies and watch someone else do it better!"

"Get out!"

"NO!"

"UGHH! You are IMPOSSIBLE!"

"YOU ARE!"

Velma and Corny looked deep into each others' eyes with a fierce passion. Without any hesitation, they grabbed a hold of each other and began to make out, the landing onto the floor...

"...anger sex is waaaaayyy better than regular." Corny chuckled, looking over to Velma, digging her face into her palms. Corny squeezed the pillow that covered his lower half,"Ohhh I can't wait until sympathy sex.. it sounds more hotter and steamier..." "You are unbelievably pathetic." Velma mumbled under her breath. "Oh really.. don't you just feel sorry for me...don't you just have sympathy for me?" He turned to her, grinning. Velma pushed his face away,"You're an ass."


End file.
